The Inner Roommate
“There is nothing more important to true growth than realizing that you are not the voice of the mind - you are the one who hears it.”
The Inspiration
Recently, I finished reading The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael Alan Singer. As a lover of “self-help” books, picking this up felt easy.
Safe.
Typical.
So, I decided to read the first few chapters on the treadmill at the gym, and shortly after, I began an ~existential spiral~ in front of my fellow gym members. If wiping away tears and trying to pass them off as sweat was an Olympic sport—
—I’d come in dead last.
2023 has been a year of insurmountable highs and seemingly unreachable lows. It has been a year where I have accomplished so much but suffered more than I could imagine. This book hit me square in the chest with words that felt like they were written for me.
Summarizing Singer’s work would do it no justice, but I want to focus on one sentiment that has deeply impacted me and, I hope, can spark curiosity in you.
The Psyche & Its Flaw
Singer highlights many points, but to me, the most profound is that you and the voice inside your head are two different things.
The constant chatter you hear is your psyche, but who you are at your core is your true being (aka your conscious self).
Who I am is not the tennis match of thoughts that rattle in my mind, but rather the inner self who notices these thoughts. The same applies to you. You are the one who hears the voice, not the commotion inside of you. This sounds vague, so let me provide an example.
For instance, say you’re super excited to get married to the love of your life, but suddenly, a thought you have never had says, “You’re engaged, but maybe this isn’t the right person. You should feel nervous. Have you considered all your options?”
Now, if some stranger outside of your head walked up to you and said this, you would immediately ignore them and write them off as neurotic.
But we feel we owe this voice inside our time, energy, and even an answer.
Singer states beings can start living a life of endless joy when they learn that they don’t owe their psyche anything.
Sudden and random thoughts are your brain's futile actions to make sense of the world. The psyche feels the need to consider all sides, outcomes, and realities, but none of what it says is truth, and it pledges allegiance to no belief for longer than a second. Our thoughts are a self-composed reality and do not impact the actual occurrences brought on by life — but they do an excellent job of convincing us otherwise.
Your psyche will pull you out of whatever you are doing, no matter how enjoyable, and make you pay attention to whatever it says. It is the root of anxiety, overthinking, and emotional turmoil, and it is all fabricated inside of you by your inner roommate.
The Solution (Sort Of)
You will never silence your “inner roommate,” but you can learn to observe its rants and acknowledge that they are mostly nonsense.
When I catastrophize or overanalyze the words or actions of myself or others, I attempt to ground myself by stepping back and observing what is happening inside my head.
For me, it helps to say things aloud, like:
Hello, I am in here. I am the soul that is experiencing this world. I am not these thoughts.
Singer uses a similar format, stating:
“I am the one who sees. From back in here somewhere, I look out, and I am aware of the events, thoughts, and emotions that pass before me”.
This action of grounding may seem weird, but it works. It puts you in the present and forces you to realize that the real cause of your problems is not life itself but rather the commotion your mind makes to try and control and explain life.
Grounding allows you to live from a place deep within you, not in your heart or brain, but it makes you a simple viewer experiencing the world.
Most importantly, it allows you to live from your soul.
This sounds lovely, but I must warn you that acknowledging your thoughts can lead to immense discomfort. For me, I have had to challenge deep-seated beliefs about myself and how I allow my thoughts to dictate my livelihood.
I am still learning, but the pain has been well worth the influx of joy (so far, lol).
Quotes
Singer covers many topics in this book, and I highly recommend reading it. In typical Knowlton fashion, I wanted to provide a few quotes I saved while reading that will say more than any of my words ever could.
“Billions of things are going on in this world. You can think about it all you want, but life is still going to keep on happening.”
“Life is continuously changing, and if you’re trying to control it, you’ll never be able to fully live it.”
“The only permanent solution to your problems is to go inside and let go of the part of you that seems to have so many problems with reality.”
Thanks for reading.
As always, stay curious.
💖 love you